you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
