Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
