Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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