When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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