apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
