Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
a search helicopter?!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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