I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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