I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
