i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
