hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize