Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
