Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
