I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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