wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize