i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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