so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
