apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
