i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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