So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
