dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We are all done wearing pants today
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
