He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
