Welp...herpes.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
