Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
