So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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