Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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