There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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