Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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