The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
