Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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