they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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