why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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