When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
