Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
