"it" just moved
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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