Whats the glycemic index on semen?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize