Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize