Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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