ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
