If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
