just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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