hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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