fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We have so much sex to catch up on
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
