i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
