I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
