the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
