i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
