Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
