you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
