Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
