we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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