I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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