So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
