i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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