That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
