I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
