i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The best revenge is premature balding
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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