At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
