I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
