What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
