Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
