Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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