dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
