WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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