I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
