Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize