just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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