Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
