If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
