Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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