My boss' voice literally gives me gas
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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