They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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