After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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