Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
