In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
