i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
