Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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