I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
