The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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