C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize