Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
