I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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