i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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