Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
