I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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