I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
