Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
