these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
