i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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