just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
