I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
