Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
