Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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