you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
