No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we're making bets on your personal life
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize