mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
